I think my brain is lacking oxygen with this dieting thing!

Do you ever have those days where you just feel like crawling back into bed and waking up on Friday?  Today is one of those for me... I started out OK.. knowing I walked 8070 steps yesterday.. worked my butt off in the yard and ate so well.. I was on a good track..

So, yup you guessed it.. I am on this weight loss plan and on Wed it's 4 weeks... I need to weigh in on Tuesday this week.. and I better be at 10lbs down... last week I was at 8.5lbs.. just not good enough.. OK so I have given up wine (almost unbearably and for now only... under duress I might add) which I think contributes to my irritably... not that I am a boozer but I do like to indulge in a good glass of Shiraz on the patio!  I am not eating ice cream, chips or even buns with a homemade burger, only 1 coffee a day, drinking tons and tons of lemon water and I am only 4 weeks in and I hate it big time!!!!!!!!!!!

Trying to swallow a million vitamins and throwing them back up into the sink every single time I take them and exercise... have I mentioned I hate to exercise... blah blah.. it makes you feel better.. yup it does... I am starting the day off with a 3000-4000 step walk with my puppy... but.... I have to admit I would rather sit on my patio and enjoy coffee in my garden... oh yes I would...

OK, whose fault is this anyway... who ate whatever she wanted when she wanted, drank wine whenever she wanted and enjoyed her life to the tune of 65lbs over a healthy happy weight.. ummm that would be me!!!!!!!! ya me... OK OK.. but man, I still want to live my life and depriving myself of everything is making me miserable, testy and wanting to eat Ossie's arm.. and I am paying big bucks to do this..... am I nuts.... oh yes I believe I am............

Everything appears to be too much right now... I have lost my positivity today.... I feel like I have this dark little cloud following me around.. is it lack of food... business sucks right now too... pressure of big decisions are scaring the hell out of me and making me waiver due to doubting myself... is it lack of food or because my blood pressure has dropped so low there is no oxygen getting to my brain...

I gave it up this morning to my maker and asked for a sign that I am on the right track and that everything will be OK... waiting... waiting.... waiting...

So... what is it that I do want:

• to lose 30lbs by my son's wedding which is Sept 10th... I have 10 weeks which would mean 2lbs a week.. how do I do that logically - eat in the diet only, drink no wine (dammit) exercise 10,000 steps a day, sleep properly, yoga, meditate and visualize the end result...
• to increase the business by 30% over the next month and to bring in all the receivables owed now - roll out the marketing plan to start tomorrow...
• get past my fear, step into what I want to do now.. get the centre stuff sorted...
• finish my book!!!
• enjoy my life, take care of my health and be....
• all of this means I need to schedule things in my life to get it all in... OK OK...

OK that doesn't sound to hard does it... ya ya.. today I am going to breathe...... just breathe!!!!