Sometimes you slip..

OK OK bad habits die hard... how do you go your whole life one way and then expect to change it all overnight... you can't.. well I can't... it's so easy to slip back into old habits good or bad that you don't even realize you are doing it...

I am guilty.. OK I admit it... I am guilty of doing this more often then not... pondering is it just that I am lazy or is it the devil I know or is it that these habits and ways are so ingrained in my everyday me that I can't get past them... I talk myself into them and then I beat myself up for doing it... it's a vicious circle that goes on... like a merry-go-round... round and round I go...

Recognizing the habit as one you need to change is first... acknowledging it and being aware of it every single time you do it or just the thought of it crops up is the first step.. ya ya Dr Philism here... but really what if you just feel that it's a part of you... like always needing to do something or being on the move... never being able to just sit and be... what the hell is that?? Who can do that... is that normal.. what is that all about anyway.. why would you want to just sit... why not do something with your hands.. sew, make jewelry, write cards, fold laundry, find a recipe, do your taxes, read Oprah mag, stuff envelopes or something anything.. not sure why or how you could just sit there.. nope that is not possible....

Well, for me it's not possible.. relax and do nothing.. um just ain't gonna happen in this life.. so in the spirit of having to do something all the time... I push.. push myself as hard as I can and then crash and burn... OK OK so I caught it..

I slipped back into an old habit so easily it was like brushing my teeth... it's just something I know... but now I struggle with wondering if it is so bad.. I like to be busy.. I can't just sit and rot... that's not me... I like to be involved and help out.. I love to lend a hand, organize and be in the thick of things... is there anything wrong with that.. I want to experience all that I can.. every breathable moment for me is a chance to be the change for our world... is there anything wrong with that.... I want to live while I am alive right... nothing wrong with that....

OK OK but it doesn't have to be a warp speed... that's the real issue here... moving at a pace that is crazy and too much for a 20 year old to keep up with... this is a habit that is hard to break when it's in your makeup... it's just part of you..

I take my time in the morning.. that's my gift to me for working hard 14+ hours a day for 5 years and now.. I want to take my time in the morning and that's that... If I am somewhere that I have to get up I will, if not so be it... sipping coffee and taking my time.. that is how I choose to spend my mornings...  taking the pup for a walk, doing some yoga and then maybe getting my butt in gear...

OK... I get it... slow down and do it a normal human pace... OK OK...
so off I go with a list of a million things to do before I join my friends at Julia's cottage... ah well I tried for a minute... I am aware, I do acknowledge... now off I go....