Have you ever wondered why something happens to you... why you were in that exact place at that exact moment.... why you were chosen....... why you decided to take a detour and when you did finally get there something happened.... why you think of someone then the phone rings and it's them.....
Yesterday, I got an answer to one of the why's..... Deb and I went to see my 96 year old grandmother so she could do her foot care...... me, just visit Baba (Ukranian for Gramma) she is so tiny, starting to appear frail to me and now actually accepting of some help.... and how blessed am I to still have her....
Thursday, I am taking lunch and going to Baba's while we slowly hunt through the treasure trove of shoe boxes from the 40's. 50's and 60's for my Stilettos for the Cure (which she got very excited about) and since she was always in dresses and high heels we are sure to find some awesome vintage shoes for the auction....
We left there and went to do a bank deposit, I ran in and Deb stayed in the car.... when I got back she said there is a commotion going on over there - do you think I should go... I said yes if you feel you want to..... being a Registered Nurse.... she is called to duty.....
She ran over in the pouring rain to have a friend and business colleague Nadera turn around with a look of horror on her face... she grabbed Deb and pulled her towards her vehicle.. the doors wide open, some people standing around.... I could not see the face as of yet, and drove my vehicle around to where they were and OMG that's Nadera... I got out and she promptly pulled her 2 little girls ages 6 and 9 out of the vehicle and brought them to me... they were sitting in the back seat.... this in itself was profound.... "Go with my friend Tina.... Tina take them..... my husband has had a stroke..."
OMG..... I look down at these babies and put them both in the front seat with me..... Deb is over with him at the car... the littlest one looks at me.... 6 years old.... looks right into my eyes and says "Is my daddy going to die?" Writing this... my chest is tight..... my eyes are full of tears now... they could not be then... I needed to remain strong...... smiling as we heard the sirens..... smiling as Deb stepped out of the car and looked straight at me with a quick shift of her head and darting down of her eyes she told me.... he is not going to make it....
Ok, ok.... I need to do something with the girls here.... Nadera is way too calm... shock is setting in... she knows... she just looks at me, opens the door and tells her girls she loves them very much.... the ambulance arrives and puts him on a stretcher, no sirens, no sounds now, doors shut (right in front of my vehicle) I can't move... I am blocked... I can't take the girls away from this scene.... they watch an ambulance 10 feet in front of them with closed doors, paramedics inside, one guarding the doors, the fire engine shows up, EMS vehicle comes.... this is not good.... this is not good... keep talking... so how old are you now I say to the oldest one... do you remember me... it's been about 2 years since I have seen you... what a big girl you have become... the little one says I don't remember you... I say I have seen her many times when she was younger and I know her mommy well and it eases her mind...... and she says ok....
We talk about what they bought shopping.. they tell me they needed new clothes because they are growing... these are very intelligent little beings... staying strong, no tears yet.... Is my daddy going to be ok... Daddy had a heart attack you know before... he hasn't been feeling well lately, his business associate (not kidding - we are talking intelligent children) had a stroke and daddy has been worried about her.... daddy has been stressed (from a 9 year old!!) because he has been having an audit at work.... my daddy is not supposed to have stress.....
I am trying very hard to keep it together, not for me, for the girls... I know in my heart... this is not good..... this is not good..... I can see Deb's face..... I can see the EMS workers..... I know.... my own intuition says this is not going to end well...... what grade are you girls in now... what are your teachers names.....
It seemed like an hour that we sat there... it wasn't.... a woman helps Nadera... she can't go in the ambulance right now, I open my window she throws me her keys, she calls her sister on her cell..... all she says is the address of her sisters to me..... this is one time I hope I have my GPS in the car... wait I know that area I used to live near there... we will take the girls there and have them pick up your vehicles..... she opens the door..... I love you girls very much she says... stay with Tina.... our back seat is full... Deb and I were shopping -Deb moves everything back so the girls can get into the back... "I miss my daddy, please let my daddy be ok...... I am scared for my daddy"
Deb tells the EMS worker that we need to get these kids out now.... they get a car to move and we squeeze out... leaving Nadera there waiting.... just waiting....
As we drive to their aunts house we try to engage the girls in small talk... they are such brave little souls..... the little one says "please let my daddy be ok" over and over as if praying.... the older one touches her hand and says it's ok... my heart breaks even more.... we talk about their new clothes... and the older one just wants to tell us about dad... and his stress.... we let her.... we just let her.....
Deb takes them inside their aunts home..... the girls sob their heart out.......... she tells her the words no one wants to hear.................. BE PREPARED......................................
As soon as they are out of the car, I shake uncontrollably......... almost violently in fact....... I can't believe we are there just at the moment.... OMG what would she have done with the girls...... we have known each other for 9 years - the oldest one was a baby when I met her... why............. why on Friday did I mention her name when I haven't seen her in ages....... why................ why, because it was meant to be...... Deb was meant to be with me...... she was meant to be there for Nadera... a familiar face in the middle of a shopping centre parking lot on a busy Saturday afternoon....... I was meant to be there so she could deal with the situation and have the girls removed safely......
I take it a step further.... I was meant to see another sign................... yes a sign...... after the shaking and shock of what just happened subsided.... I realized this too was a sign for me.... that without health WE HAVE NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last night....... we received word..... his chances have run out..... he passed away...
I am shaken.... I only met the man once... I am so sad for those little girls, for her.... for her journey to come..... for when the shock wears off and reality of that moment sinks in......
However on the other hand I am moved..... because once again my maker has shown me profound life and death in the same moment and on the same day.... I have a choice now..... another chance.... the biggest opportunity of my life.... the stage is set, the spotlights are on, beaming brightly down on me... this will be the make or break it performance of my life.... everything wrong that I have done in my life... every neglect of my health.... every stressful moment I chose in my life up to this point.... can be my story, my herstory but doesn't have to be my future... I stand alone in the middle of my life... (my grandmother was 48 when I was born.... ) I am turning 48.... this is the potential middle of my life.....
To be or not to be.............
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