Tuesday, February 8, 2011

The Roller coaster ride of my life....

I had a bit of a meltdown yesterday, I admit..... but Lia tells me it's ok to just be with the emotions... and you know she is a councellor... so she knows these things...

In honour of my emotions going up and down, my mind all over the place, my life feeling like it is in control of somebody else and the fact that I change my mind every day I will stop and just be ok today.... be in this moment... because at the end of the day today is all we have...

I keep trying to plan what's going to happen next Thursday and who I will be, how things will be..... it's almost like I expect to look different or something... hmmm have been careful to eat properly- eating fresh, eating healthy soup from Renewed Studio, drink poop and Essiac tea, not overdo it (every day) get sleep, rest..... and what the hell else...... I have been writing which is healthy and theraputic.. this blog is so theraputic to me... clearing my clutter is healthy... what else can I do during this time.... get my butt back to work... back to normal...

Normal.... what is that... was my normal like everyone elses normal... not on your life... seriously, I believe my crazy life was not the norm.... running from here to there, always doing something, always creating something, never ever just sitting doing nothing - have to make jewelry, write in a journal, sew, read something... a movie includes folding laundry, creating jewelry or something..... anything other then just sitting doing nothing... I can't do it... just can't.... that is not my norm....

Why is that???? It's ok for some people to relax.... and now I think it will be ok for me too..... I have decided that right now I can't decide.... I am not in a place to make major decisions - not yet.... not until I am ready...... and that might not be next Thursday.... I keep thinking when the doc says all systems go on ... cleared for take off on Wednesday does that mean that things just get back to normal on Thursday... I have had 3 months of this not knowing what I am facing really...... how can I just return to normal like magic on Thursday... am I crazy? am I nuts? matter of opinion right.....

I am gonna chill, because I can..... focus a day at a time and just be with whatever.... good plan? I do believe so..... Its Friday... and my Bonnie Boop is coming (my daughter in law to be) for the weekend... how much fun is that.... I want to go to Homesence with her... and the healthfood store.. venturing out for the first time in a week and half.... The stilettos meeting is at 2pm... not sure I feel up to being around that much intensity.... but I can call... or just go for 30 minutes....

We are going to do wedding stuff.... talk wedding budget, invitations, cake, awesome stuff like that.... won't that be fun... maybe go see my 96 year old grandmother tomorrow together... just be and enjoy her.... the house is clean, I need to do nothing else... oh except shower maybe... oh makeup... hmmm liking not having to put it on and take it off... gotta admit that but.... no one and I repeat no one needs to be subjected to Tina without makeup....

Today the roller coaster will be still..... as I take the easy glider in the kiddie section of the park.....

#320 gel candle smells like apple cranberry.... and socks.. ankle socks - not my style.... brand new as you can see.....







#319 wow I am in the teens now... how cool is that... along way to go yet... Love this brown blazer... have never worn it.. bought it on sale at Cleo's and every time I went to wear it, I decided not too....

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