What happens when you take a busy mind attached to a body that just went through a surgery? You get an inner struggle in the same house.. the mind thinks it can do whatever it could before surgery and he body goes wait a minute I am too pooped to party.....
Me... is it the drugs or just my broken rememberer.. not sure if this is Costa Rica, Panama or Columbia... how bad is that.......
I wake up every 2 hours right on the half hour.. uncomfortable, irritable and gotta pee... constipated like you would not believe... who knew percs did that.. not me... I did drop down to 1 every 4 hours yesterday instead of 2 come on.... so now through the night even though I woke up I only took one at 5:30am... so that was from 8:30pm last night... but............... I will share that it is uncomfortable...
I am allergic to the tape they use and of course I forgot to tell them before they put the guide wire in... and sure enough... my entire boob looks like a war zone... a map of connect the dots to the incision..... not just where they cut into it but all around the poor thing... so last night it was leaky... yup... I am sharing here... so I ripped off the dressing and there it was... all yucky - the steri-strips staring back at me... swollen, bloody and concaved.... weird... he cut in above the nipple and it appears to be over an inch long.... with a second cut about an inch away from that one...
Ossie has a fit, yells at me to leave it alone... I hold open my pj top and stare down... moving it all over the place so I can get a good look... Ossie yells... his knees are going weak... too funny... I find some gauze and a big bandage and tape her back up... but I have areas that are raw and hurt like hell from the tape... I have been scratching too so that isnt gonna be pretty...
I had a nice hot bath last night while Ossie made dinner.... oh the little things we take for granted... changed my pj's too..... can't have a shower yet but wait I remember getting this dry shampoo from Timm - hmmm gonna check that out today and see how that works...
You know that state where you are inbetween reality and floating... it's the only way I can explain how I am feeling... you know that last glass of wine that put you over the edge and the feeling you have... ya well that's not it.... lol.... this is more like being aware of every little thing around me but not being able to touch it really...... since Dr A didnt come into the room after I woke up I can't help but wonder... does that mean that there was nothing there.... does it mean that everything is ok.... I am gonna hang onto that... the results are gonna come back in 3 weeks saying clear.. nothing there..... it was a 1.3cm lump of fat.... scar tissue... something totally useless that means nothing... right???? yup that is what I am gonna hang on to.... nothing further and cause for celebration...
I have the cupcake lady coming today... Mandy... has brain cancer and is having chemo... she makes cupcakes to supplement her income because she can't work of course... she calls it Cupcakes for Cancer... $10 for 6...... yummmm.... I want to help her out... I want some cupcakes too.. it's a win win... my ass is gonna be huge before I get back at it.... remember that 6.2lbs I lost... ya well..... I am gonna look like a big fat pink cupcake soon.....
If you want to help someone out order cupcakes from Mandy and tell her you got her name from me... she lives in Bowmanville and delivers.. can you imagine that.... her email is o_connormandy@hotmail.com.....
I want to thank you all for giving me your ear... for letting me know you are listening... and I appreciate your support.. what I know for sure... the power of support, prayer and love makes our world a better place.. spreading kindness and caring one person at a time does make a difference... This blog is theraputic for me... important for me to share this process... these feelings and to have it documented.... whatever the outcome...
Today I slack again... maybe tomorrow I will feel like going back into the closet and digging out some clutter... I have lots believe me... lots... and need to catch up.. so just wait one of these days there is going to be a landslide... Yesterday Sharmila visited and brought cupcakes... today I wait for cupcakes and Julia.... all is well on this cold Friday morning....
(it is Friday right???)
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