Look at this gorgeous couple... are they not the cutest with matching outfits... for me this is a rule.... I like this pic even with my big fat arm in there.... I am so critical of myself... gotta get back on the WW track and continue... few more weeks before I can return.. so that 6.2lbs I lost... well I am sure I gained it back plus 270 more.....
Slacking today.. feeling dizzy and in alittle pain.. taking only 1 perc instead of 2 and spacing them out alittle further apart... don't like the feeling I get on them... please tell me why people like to be high all the time... I have this weird side affect - not sure if it is the percs or from the anesthetic - I stop breathing... I remember having it before when I had my hsyterectomy in 2000 (the second one that is) I breath in normally I think... when does one pay attention to normal every day breathing except when doing yoga..... and then I stop there... stop and almost like hold it and gasp... this is happening unconciously and freaking me out alittle... not sure if this is normal or not but at night when I should be sleeping it is waking me up as I gulp in air.... I will wait another day or so to see if it goes away with the percs as I come off them....
My mind wanders to drug addicts.... as I wonder..... if you smoke a joint the rush comes with dry mouth and the overwhelming desire to eat... anything and everything that doesnt move... and you float... I get it.... but when you do perscription drugs the high is different... shakey, dizzy, dry mouth, trouble staying awake and when the body becomes used to them no more rush.... what is wrong with this pic... is it the fear of being in pain... hmmmm... dont you just have to keep taking more and more after you become immune to them to help with the pain... from where I sit right now.. not liking this and want to get it over and done with NOW... I just dont get the big desire to do drugs...... so today I start to slowly get myself off of them.....
Day 2 post surgery and I am already feeling bored and guilty.. I can write and get to my book today cause my eyes can focus alittle better.... walking still takes a wall beside me cause I am still shakey and unsteady on my feet... I told Ossie to go to the office today... I can manage.. I can open a tin of soup - he put it out into a pot on the stove for me... its all good.. I have my Kuerig coffee machine and loaded up on yummy coffees so it's all good... what more can a girl ask for...
The boob is still swollen and sore but hey it is only day 2.. right.... right.... I am so impatient.. I want it all and I want it now... I want to get to work on Stilettos and finding the space for my Full Life Care Centre and get moving but here I sit... pink robe on, pink ring, pink bracelet... jammies on and a path between me in the living room and kitchen and bathroom....
What does a person who can't sit still do... can't do yoga, can't go for a walk, can't even really make the bed... how much reading do you think I will be able to do.. Here is a clue for you about me... I have 6 issues of Oprah unopened on my dresser waiting for me to have a minute to read them... 6 of them and Ossie shook his head as I bought the latest one the night before the surgery.. saying are you kidding... you think you will read it... hmmm how about the 10 books beside the bed you just had to have and havent even opened... I have the Cancer Vixen book mom bought me beside me.. I will read alittle of it today... should I read it.... I dont have cancer... the dark invader is gone... cut out now... should I even read it cause wont that be giving into the C word???
Yesterday, I saw everything in a healthy positive light... was it the drugs.. hmmm today I am wondering why the surgeon never came into recovery to tell me anything after the surgery or even went out to speak with Ossie and Julia.... just to say "hey everything went well and looks clear....." clear... that's the word I want to hear.... empty clear and done....... maybe too much time on my hands to think.... Day 2 Tina.. Day 2.......
Ok enough already... I am boring me with this crap... lets get a move on and do something productive... like?????????? no idea what.... what can this girl do....
Last night I was thinking.... how blessed I am, how very lucky I am to have so many people praying for me.... so many people sending me messages of hope and prayer... I believe in the power of our maker, my God..... I believe that he heard you and you and me.... I believe that he was overwhelmed with the prayers for me... that I must be doing something good on this planet he created and that I can't be sick... I dont feel sick... dont call me sick (ask Ossie I ripped his head off when he says anything that refers to me being sick....) I believe that those prayers have helped.... In fact I know that they have... I believe he has given Dr A the talent and Dr A made the effort and took the entire dark invader out... leaving nothing behind to treat.... I believe that he heard you...... and me...... and this is it!!! I believe that God gave me my talents and that I now need to put forth the effort and the strength to go make my goals happen... to help others....
I could go back to the closet and find another item to clear but not today..... today I think being lazy and hanging out here is my best bet... hey I have the new Avon book... love to look at the Avon book... with all the stuff I dont need... hmmm I did clear out a few items didnt I... to invite more of what I want into my life.... ya.... more travel less stuff.....
Today, let's chill together.. lets stay in the moment and change what we can.. lets be cognicant of what we can change, what we are choosing at this moment and now this one..... lets feel happy only today.... no I am not sharing the drugs... you have to choose it... I have to choose positive and let the healing properties of pink do their work....
I have added a juicy new positive comment to the blog on the right hand side... my amazing mother whom many know and if you dont.. trust me get to know her.. she is wise, loving, caring and everyone's mom... she would love to hear from you... add her on FB Ellie Tureck.. tell her Tina told you to add her.. she is just learning this FB thing... it's funny but she loves to learn about other people and help them if she can with whatever she can... she gave me a gift like no other... a box full of small folded pieces of paper that she wrote inspirational quotes on... she didnt buy these she made them.... how fabulous is that..... I added a column so that I can share these words of wisdom every day with you as well...
Day 2 has just begun......
No comments:
Post a Comment