Lately I am a perpetual procrastinator on so many levels..... I find myself avoiding certain things and tasks because I don't want to play with them anymore and busying myself in things that don't feel like work at all....
Have you ever felt complete with something.... like you knew it was done.. oh wait... I will test it with this scenario.... and I will play this out in my mind.... but at the end of it all it typically comes down to the fact that you just need to be done... you are hanging onto what you know, what you have done, who you were for dear life... again not sure of who you will be after it......you can't move onto what it is you really want to do or be now until you simply close that book....
Well this is me right now... confused..... dreaming so much... weird ones too..... I can't even tell you about them because they won't make sense.... suffice to say very weird... not disturbing but weird... if I could decipher them and put them all together I bet I would have a map leading my mind to what my heart already knows..... I toss and turn at night and flip and flop like a bloody fish... I believe my mind is trying to search for a solution and since it is so easy and right there the mind is taking me on a wild goose chase cause that is what I am asking for... Here you go silly girl.. if you can't see the simple truth, then OK OK I will give you what you want... complications..... whacked out ideas..... round about the block solutions to what you know.... but if you would just listen to your heart, the heart always knows... it gives you the answers and makes you feel it.... feeling it... oh ya that's the ticket......
What do I want for my life.... my life... not one that I feel guilty about my choices..... guilty for what... for making a choice for myself..... it's my time... I deserve to follow my heart... I know I am a horrible, resentful person when I feel caged...... I can't live in guilt because to me it is a cage.... maybe self induced but a cage..... I need the freedom to build what my passion is telling me to do.... my wonderful heart is saying girl you are here to help people in a way that makes your heart sing..... when you see their suffering disabled, their peace come to the surface it gives you energy............ and when the heart sings its melody the intellectual mind that listens then becomes in tune....heart and mind connection again... creating a wellness in the body...
So what I know today..... my heart is calling me to my centre..... it feels like it has wings when I am doing the planning..... it's not work... no sirreeeeee.... the Stilettos event is so close to my heart that I know on June 7th is the beginning of something even more.... working it all out seeing all the final details??? Ya not so much right now today......... I have an idea of how I want it all to play out but truth is I am no longer married to the outcome in my head, I will plan, implement and allow it to flow.... having a plan is essential to success.... but being married to one outcome is a disaster and a recipe for stress.... which I am working on alleviating right????
As Ossie sleeps in... just home at 4am fresh from golfing in the south...... I will jump right into some planning.... take my time..... enjoy the moment..... go for a walk.....have a lovely dinner with my honey..... and just be...
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