Friendship... is understanding that one of us will always hold the umbrella.....

This past New Years Eve Julia, Hugette and myself were drinking alot of wine and hanging in her hot tub and of course the conversation revolved around the whole breast cancer thing.... At that point for me it was the not knowing... the what if's and the huge roller coaster I was on.... so I said when this is done I want to get a tattoo.... yup a tat.... the one thing I swore I would never do... marking my body... hmmmm

For me..... this tattoo..... crazy idea that I had.... signified the end for me... the end of all the madness (or so I thought)...... getting it done at the end was imperative... not yet not yet.... it became so much more.....



The Pinkalicious Posse. Tina, Deb, Yvette, Mel, Ann-Marie, Anna, Julia

 Julia, drunk I think, agreed to do it with me.... I couldn't believe she would do that because she is not a big lover of tattoos too..... she made a promise... then we told Ann-Marie..... she was in.... she already has a few and a ribbon that she did with her daughters... she has had some close calls and is about to do her call back mammogram (we are praying hard for her).... then Deb.... having had breast cancer and a mastectomy..... this too was meaningful for her.... Anna.... Julia's sister loved the idea, likes tats and is part of the posse.... Melanie... bless her... she is going out unmarked the way she came in..... and then there is our Yvette who even if she wanted couldn't... this week WILL be her 6th and final chemo... how poignant that we get it done this week.... forever marked... to remember and to gain strength together that we can fight anything!

My youngest son has a thing with tattoos... he loves them and we have fought and I have begged... please no more..... now at 23 mamma's choices don't hold water.....however on this one occasion he know the best place in town for some middle aged women to get a good one done safely.... so I told him I wanted one.... shock disbelief.... ok mom.... his friend and artist Rosanna drew a lovely sample - a black stiletto with the pink ribbon around it...  awesome....

I have been able to be on both sides of the coin through all of this, which is such an awakening for me.... having spent those 3.5 months of my own life not knowing, in limbo.. on hold as I call it.... awaiting my own fate.... and supporting Yvette through the biggest fight of her life.... surgery, chemo and radiation to come.... I understand and feel the hurt for yourself and for your friend..... I get the feelings of uselessness because there is nothing you can do for her..... I have been inside the feelings of why me....... and the overwhelming question why her....... I have tried to figure this out on both sides..... tried to manipulate my mind into seeing only positive results for her first then myself.... I prayed to take it away from her... to make it easier for her.... to get it over with for her.... and I did the same for me.... I cried my eyes out more then I can tell you..... for her....



Forever rocking these heels for the girls!

 Friendships in your life change and some evolve... while others you grow out of..... old friendships that grow with each of you as you change is lovely.....  New friendships grow and blossom out of common interests and the pull of like minded - like hearted commonalities... both are blessings, it's with who you are now... no judgements.... no junk... it's mature, loving, fun..... real... its the opportunity to be so real with each other and then get over it...  it's not worrying what they think after you have told them your secrets... and knowing that they won't tell the world...  it's knowing when to leave some friendships behind that don't serve you, match your goals, who you are now .... and knowing that is ok... no guilt..... its an understanding that when it rains in each other's lives that one of us will always hold the umbrella. 

Without the love, support, tears, hugs and laughter from friends this road would be much darker..... their light shines on your path to help you see that life goes on.... life is for living....  moping and staying down has no place.... they hold your hand so you feel secure.... they text you every moment they get to let you know it's ok... they are there..... they sternly guide you to make decisions at a moment that you just can't....... they listen and help to make sense because their voice of reason does make sense.... they hold the umbrella....

This pretty little tattoo is so much more to me now.... the symbol of rebirth.... of getting to start all over again.... of tomorrow... of stepping into our future together and alone stronger then ever... of love for ourselves and our girls...... love for our girlfriends, daughters, mothers........ of the feminine side of us....... of our strength to be able to fight whatever dares to cross our path....... of support for each other........ of hope............ friendship....... of life bursting to be lived...... of the moments we have shared and more importantly yet to share.... of blessings........ for all of us and for each of us.....

Forever reminded of how precious life is.... forever reminded of this time in our lives... yes in our lives because what I know for sure.... your tag team went through it with you... you never walk alone, even through your darkest moments, even through the times when you feel isolated and lonely, the times you can't seem to find the strength, the answer you need.... you are never alone when you have friends..... they hold they umbrella... you walk under it together......

Our Pinkalicious Posse.... fighting as a team for the girls... all the girls.... We are rocking these heels for the girls..... holding the umbrella for each other and all of us......