#336.... love this little halter top.. but when I put it on... well its just not me anymore.. it's cute, dressy and it's time to pass it on...I woke up feeling strangely calm.... what is that all about.... hmmmmmm.... I know... because today is the day.. I leave the house for the last time with this freeloader in my boob and I return a new woman... maybe it will weigh 1lb and I will lose 1 of the 200 I gained on the cruise...
Made the bed, check... bought my new pj's... check.... (only 1 pair though), many flavours of coffee in house, check.... dog at moms, check...... ready to rock...
No makeup on.... hair done.... pink scarf and purse... ready to go... I am ready....
Calm today.. what is this.. yesterday I cried all day and all night... couldnt stop... I moved a fork and cried.... after the funeral and the amazing supportive emails I recieved... I dont know... I just kept saying weird.. well today is weirder - is that a word? I am sure....positive that Dr. A is going to get it all and leave me with a clean bill of health... positive the results are gonna come back saying done... yup done... you dont have to do another thing.... we removed all the tissue and guess what you are clear and free as a bird... now go live your intense life...
Intense... I decided yesterday that was how I was going to describe myself today... intense...
last night a long time friend sent me a text to say she and her mother saw me at Eva's funeral and how awesome I looked... her mom said I looked like a movie star... how fab is that... a movie star... well this movie star has many more roles to star in....
I woke up with a new sense of who I am today... intense, movie star starring in the role of her life... I have a choice you know... I dont have to do that.. I could leave it for 6 months and redo all this then.... Well, umm nope... I get to choose the roles I want to star in and this one... however yucky it might be... I choose it..... intense.....
Today....... I go fast forward into the operating room with my leading man... Dr. A.... big strong smart and nice looking to boot... what more could a movie star ask for....
I have 2 giant reasons for being here... and I am not done yet... life is sweet and gonna get sweeter... my Justin's wedding this year... Stilettos for the Cure.. a new sense of drive for me.... my senior and wellness centre... my Zak... maybe by the end of the year someone will give me the Christmas present of telling me that I am gonna be a gramma... Ossie and I traveling... enjoying each other... who knows... what other leading roles I am about to take on.... what I will leave behind and who I will be tomorrow....
I leave this blog today with a pic of my baby boys.... my lights... my joy.... wear pink today for me.... wear pink 
for all the amazing women before me.... wear pink for the ones that didnt have a choice... the ones going through the fight of their lives as we speak... the ones with small kids laying on the couch.... the ones that didnt make it.... the mother's, sisters, daughters, girlfriends... wear pink.... and at noon today... together... say a word to our maker for them, for yourself and for me..... and damn it... dont wait.. get your bloody mamogram for your life.... xoxo
for all the amazing women before me.... wear pink for the ones that didnt have a choice... the ones going through the fight of their lives as we speak... the ones with small kids laying on the couch.... the ones that didnt make it.... the mother's, sisters, daughters, girlfriends... wear pink.... and at noon today... together... say a word to our maker for them, for yourself and for me..... and damn it... dont wait.. get your bloody mamogram for your life.... xoxo
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